9 Month Blues

Penelope just turned 9 months old and I feel like it was yesterday I was crying in my boyfriends arms scared because I was pregnant. Now I’m worrying about baby proofing, college funds, baby #2 (one day not now), and so many other things. In this new era of sharing everything I feel like I haven’t done enough. Have I taken enough photos? Will I ever make baby albums? Have we done enough floor time? It’s so overwhelming to try to be this “perfect mom”. People tell me all the time I am an amazing mother but I am guilty of beating myself up for silly little things like the baby albums and carrying her too much. The way we parent now is completely different then it was 20 years ago. So essentially 20 years from now it may very well be completely different from now. There will never be a “How to be a perfect mom” guide for anyone. This scares me.

I read a lot of blogs and mom Instagram’s and try to absorb as much as I can but each day I am finding myself just winging it and going with the flow. Where does the time go? My sweet little angel is trying to stand on her own and knows how to push me away. I want to go back to when she was a little worm in my arms. I know you all hear this but it’s the best advice anyone can give you. Enjoy every single moment because it really just goes by way too fast. In this day and age when we are constantly on our phones it’s ok not to get that money shot but to truly live in that moment.

My breast feeding goal is 1 year and I have cried several times thinking about how this part of our journey is about to end. Everyone I try to talk to about it just says I’m crazy if I continue to do it for any longer. I joke and respond my new goal is until she’s 13 just to get them to shut up. Maybe that’s why I have been having baby fever because I don’t want my little baby girl to grow up just yet. Becoming a mother was the most rewarding experience I have ever had. I have been lucky enough to be able to only go back to work part time and any moment apart from her I dread. One day she will have babies and I will be there trying to give her advice. She will probably be as hard headed as I am and not want to hear it. For right now she’s my little baby girl and I just want more time…

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