We have all had a scare or two at some point of our lives. When you are peeing on that stick you think about what will happen if you are pregnant. It’s like your whole future flashes before your eyes in those three minutes. I had just turned 26. My boyfriend and I have the same birthday, the Fourth of July, so we had a big bash. Why not? We were young and just wanted to get drunk and have a good time with our friends. The last thing we were thinking about was getting pregnant. My boyfriend and I moved very fast according to typical social standards. We went on our first date fell in love and we were inseparable after that. Two months later we moved in together. I’ve never been big on the whole waiting for things to happen. Our friends and family thought it was crazy but we didn’t care. Finally Labor Day weekend was here. I was looking forward to my friends bachelorette tip to Vegas. Just when I was about to board the plane I don’t know what it was but I felt pregnant. I just had a weird feeling but my friend and I just laughed it up and had some shots. I wasn’t due on my period until a few days from then. I wasn’t late so why worry. Plus Messie Jessie couldn’t miss the partying. Yes Messie Jessie is my nickname given to me in my college years and that is how Momma Messie came to be. We celebrated our friend getting married. I don’t recall sleeping too much on that trip. I didn’t feel any different body wise I just had this eery feeling in the back of my mind that I might be pregnant but, like all other scares I brushed it off and didn’t let it ruin my trip. On the last day I woke up puking but once again talked it up to excessive drinking and lack of sleep. We flew back on a red eye and got in at 7am. My boyfriend was not too thrilled to be picking us up so it was a long drive home. It was Labor day. The day my period was due. I wasn’t late but I had to know. I remembered I had an old pregnancy test lying around from one of my other scares so the minute we got into our apartment I grabbed it and went straight to the bathroom. This little stick I was peeing on was going to determine the rest of my life in the next three minutes. I was still a little buzzed from Vegas and just wanted to get this over with so I could go to sleep. I did the test and put it facing up on the bathroom counter. One line not pregnant, two lines pregnant. Results in three minutes right? Well I stared at the stick and not even a minute passed both lines came up. OH MY GOD I’M PREGNANT! All those other scares I never had a false positive or ever had it come up saying anything else but not pregnant but this time there were two line. TWO LINES! I could hear my boyfriend arguing with me in the other room about the Vegas trip and my drinking and I just walked up to him and told him to please stop that I needed to show him something. I immediately showed him the test and told him I was pregnant. I’m crying, still halfway drunk, my boyfriend was upset with me but all that didn’t matter because there were two lines and I was pregnant. All he kept saying was no over and over again. My mind was racing and I just didn’t know what to do. A lot of people always say you are happy right away but the first feeling was fear. Can I have a baby now? Will I be a good mom? I’m not event married yet. Will he want to keep it? All these questions were going through my mind. I broke down on our bed with him and just crawled into a little ball and cried. At that moment I already made my decision. I was going to be a mother. I let Tito know as I had in the past that I would never personally get an abortion. He then just looked at me and he himself cried and we just fell asleep in each others arms. A few hours later we awoke and the test still had the two lines. Yep, this was really happening. This wasn’t a dream. I woke up much more relieved and happy about the shocking revelation that I was pregnant. I love my boyfriend and I already knew one day I would want to carry his children I just didn’t think it was going to be so soon. We spent the day eating junk food and reminiscing on how we had just met a few months earlier and now we were going to be parents. Life for ever changed at the moment but, I also knew I was going to be judged by every one.
So when is the best time to tell people that you are pregnant? Well it’s different for everyone. I can only speak from my own knowledge and experience. The day we found out my boyfriend told his sister mainly because she already had a kid and I needed to know what the next step was. We made a doctors appointment and it was a whole 10 days away. I did take two more tests and yes those two lines showed up again. I was super pregnant. I didn’t want anyone to know until the doctor confirmed it. I felt this overwhelming pressure. It was almost tangible but, I needed to know for sure if this was really happening before I involved my family and friends. I went for my first visit and he calculated by my last period and all the information that I was giving him that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I asked my doctor when should I tell my family. He sat down still and looked me in the eye and said to not even tell my mother until I was 12 weeks along. It was too soon and so many things could happen. I was crushed. I thought in my mind that it was time to announce it to the world. I’m glad he told me this. I sat down and started to think of the thought of announcing it to world and then losing my baby and having to deal with my grief publicly. It was a horrible thought but you have to look at the situation for what it is. I todays world everyone feels as if you need to share everything right away but my boyfriend and I decided that we would only tell our parents and siblings because if anything were to happen they would be the ones going through it with us not the world. Our parents were happy for the most part but even in such a small group I could feel the judgement and the concern. One thing you should know about me is I hate advice and I hate when people tell me what to do. The worst thing at that time was I now had my mom driving me crazy asking me when she could tell everyone. I thought it was the most selfish thing ever. I wanted to tell people not her. I was giving them their first grandchild after all. Remember ladies and gents this is your news to tell. Don’t let anyone take that from you. If you want to wait then put your foot down and wait. I ended up having to threaten my mom but she got the point. When we look back now she understands why I wanted to wait. So when do you let your job know? Well it depends on what kind of job you have. If you have a strenuous job that may cause harm to your pregnancy then by all means tell them immediately but again I wanted to wait. I work with my boyfriend so it also made this news a little bit messier for us. I waited until my next doctors appointment which was around 8 weeks. We heard the heartbeat and for me it was so much more real. I let management know around that time but asked them to please not share my private news that I wanted to tell people on my own terms. There are about 200 employees where I work and the last thing I needed was to be the highlight of the gossip during such a delicate time for my baby and myself. I started wearing baggier clothes and if anyone asked my boyfriend and I would act insulted and tell them I was gaining weight. It was pretty funny. The first 12 weeks are make it or break it for your pregnancy. It is important that you are as stress free as possible. In my opinion that means being private with this sensitive information because once its out there you will be swamped with questions and unsolicited advice.
We were 12 weeks pregnant and little by little we started to let our friends and family know even some people at work. Before you know it people were giving me outrageous advice. Some people even had the audacity to tell me I should get an abortion. This broke my heart. I am pro choice but it’t not for me. I wouldn’t personally be able to get an abortion. Be ready to hear this from at least one person that doesn’t realize that this is your choice. Try not to punch them in the face when they say it. Stand up for yourself and don’t be afraid to tell someone to shut up. After all everyone is going to think you are hormonal and crazy anyways so take advantage of this.
I was 26, my boyfriend and I lived together already but too many people said we were doing it wrong. What is wrong and what is right? Everyone had their own definition. This affected me a lot but I learned to be harder from this. By the halfway point of my pregnancy everyone knew to keep to themselves if they had something negative to say. My baby had made me stronger already. You will cry and people will be mean so be prepared for this because just the same there will be people that tell you the most beautiful things. Most of the beautiful things were told to me by complete strangers.
Try to wait ladies. There is a lot of pressure in today’s society to share but the most important thing is to be happy and healthy those first first weeks.